My Mom. My Role Model
My role model is my mother. She is and always will be. Her wisdom and strength continue to inspire me.
A short, but impactful trip to Maine with my mom led me to my dharma. It opened my heart to love, creativity, and a responsibility for helping others… to create my business.
One day when we were in Maine my mom and I went shopping. I’d seen a couple of fun women walking around proudly wearing shirts that said “I love ME” - Maine’s abbreviation - and I immediately said: “I love those shirts! We’ve all got to get one before we fly home!”
The sharp response from my 70+ year old mom shocked me:
“I would never buy, let alone wear, a shirt that says that!”
“Why?” I asked.
She replied, “Because I don’t love me.”
As her daughter, I knew by the tone of her voice and the stern look on her face that she wasn’t kidding. Her response sparked my curiosity. I wanted to know more and, more importantly, I wanted to know why.
Who did she get this from? When did she start feeling this way about herself? What happened?
I must admit, at first, I took her response personally. It made me feel sad. Sick to my stomach and tight in my throat. I wanted to cry for her. For her as a child, as a daughter, as a mom. For her as an adult.
I also felt anger. I was angry that she felt that way. She was my mom! She’s strong and beautiful. She’s everything I wanted to be. And more!
I also felt a bit guilty and a little ashamed that I would like to wear a shirt with “I loved ME” emblazoned on the front. Loving myself is complimenting myself. Loving myself would bring attention to myself. Why would someone want to do that?... WTF!!!
That evening over dinner, I decided to bring up the subject of mom not loving herself.
As I sat across from her, I watched as her eyes narrowed and swelled up with tears. I listened and heard my mom speak so intimately about when she was little: her grandmother didn’t like her because she had red hair. She made her feel ugly and compared her to everyone else.
I saw the hurt and the anger that she carried within her. For decades. How the expression of (biased) opinions from someone she loved, when she was so young, affected her perceptions of herself. How that statement created so many negative feelings about herself. How those emotions held her back and stole her voice. Those feelings impacted her relationships: in her marriage and with her children.
Most importantly, it affected how she felt about herself.
As you might imagine, this conversation brought up some raw emotions. My mom was more vulnerable than I’d ever seen her. Ever. In my entire life! But she continued to share…
The tears flowed. Even though we were at dinner, in public, and into our Lobster Rolls!
But it was beautiful. It was a real, genuine, and intimate conversation. I knew at that moment, with my every being, that everyone can connect. On some level, to some degree.
To be continued…
